Whole or Hole
by Mind of a Demon
Summary: After all of Ichigo’s effort and will, he fails to save Rukia. His will disappears along with his heart and he is left as an empty shell. He drifts in and out of the dimensions in search of a reason for existing. Hollow Ichigo, Yaoi, Violence, Language.


Okay, I couldn't just leave Bleach alone. The characters are amazing and the potential is limitless. Great material to start with for a fanfiction. Any way let us see what happens when the world of bleach meets the Mind of a Demon. I do not own Bleach Noriaki Kubo does.

Whole or Hole

全体またはホール

After all of Ichigo's effort and will, he fails to save Rukia. His will disappears along with his heart and he is left as an empty shell. He becomes what he sought to destroy and drifts in and out of the dimensions in search of a reason for living when a path is lit before him. Yaoi, Violence, Language.

"Speech."

_'Thoughts.'_

**"Inner Hollow Speech."**

**_'Inner Hollow thoughts.'_**

* * *

Chapter One: Hole

_Old pirates, yes, they rob I;_

_Sold I to the merchant ships,_

_Minutes after they took I_

_From the bottomless pit._

_But my hand was made strong_

_By the 'and of the Almighty._

_We forward in this generation_

_Triumphantly._

_Won't you help to sing_

_This songs of freedom_

_'Cause all I ever have:_

_Redemption songs;_

_Redemption songs._

_Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;_

_None but ourselves can free our minds._

_Have no fear for atomic energy,_

_'Cause none of them can stop the time._

_How long shall they kill our prophets,_

_While we stand aside and look? Ooh!_

_Some say it's just a part of it:_

_We've got to fullfil the book._

_Won't you help to sing_

_This songs of freedom-_

_'Cause all I ever have:_

_Redemption songs;_

_Redemption songs;_

_Redemption songs._

_Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;_

_None but ourselves can free our mind._

_Wo! Have no fear for atomic energy,_

_'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time._

_How long shall they kill our prophets,_

_While we stand aside and look?_

_Yes, some say it's just a part of it:_

_We've got to fullfil the book._

_Won't you have to sing_

_This songs of freedom? -_

_'Cause all I ever had:_

_Redemption songs -_

_All I ever had:_

_Redemption songs:_

_These songs of freedom,_

_Songs of freedom._

_Redemption Song, Bob Marley, Uprising._

A view laid before him, vast and graceful. An incredibly beautiful view. The buildings mazing in and out of each other creating a unique asymmetrical work of art. Gardens and shrines standing out the most, as green and lively areas contrasting with the common and dull browns, blues and whites of Soul Society.

Ichigo stared at the view then down at himself. Irony, a usually comical element that is part of someone's life, was not of the sarcastic humor in Ichigo's. Since the moment her sword had been plunged into his heart he swore to protect souls from the damned and guide them to the Soul Society; as well as, purify the damned of their demons.

It stemmed down to erasing those cursed to be heartless, but what was he to do now that he himself was without the blood pumping and emotion evoking organ. It was not so much the physical fact that his heart was no longer there, but that he began to feel less scarred by recent events. He was empty, his entire attempt to rescue Rukia was for nothing, the only thing he managed was to kill one of the traitors that caused the entire uproar that now plagued Soul Society; however, that feeble feet was at far to high a cost, and that was his emotion.

Chad was killed in his attempt to stop Aizen from killing Rukia, the traitorous man plunged his hand into Chad's chest as if it were an everyday occurrence ignoring the screaming protests of those around him. Uryuu was poisoned and Soul Society did not want to waist their medical attention on a possible enemy at the time. Orihime had managed to keep herself safe with the help of Yuroichi.

In the end Ichigo lost three good friends and his heart. He thanked god that the process seemed to be a slow one, and that he could cover the ominous hole that was growing in his chest with his Shinigami Kimono. He stood with an anxious patience embracing the view, a view of the land that had stripped him of his closest friends and of his heart. Soul Society in it's blind ignorance had condemned him to a future far darker and crueler than the most ghastly of demons.

And their ignorance was going to give birth to a demon beyond comprehension, the only matter was who would see him as a demon in the future and who would see him as a beacon of hope. Whether it was what he was becoming or what he once was would decide the fate of the worlds.

"Ichigo Kurosaki, you hence forth are a substitute Shinigami of Soul Society. When the occasion calls for it, you will be summoned." The Captain of Squad One said in his common, almost arrogant, authoritative tone. What the excessively aged man stated he knew was never going to come to fruition, he was becoming the very reason for Shinigami, a hollow. He kept his mind off the idea and steeled himself into a state of denial.

Him, Orihime, and Yuroichi stood in front of the Senkai gate, grim expressions on all of their faces as they held the decaying bodies of their comrades. Ichigo's miserable expression was drifting in reasoning, from the loss of his friends to the loss of his heart. The white light had faded after a moment and they were ushered in with apologies and sympathy.

* * *

There was a hole, a hole in everything, everything in his life was missing something and now there was even a hole in himself. He tried to stop it by hiding in his living body, but the attempt had failed him. Even though the flesh was there he no longer felt it. It was cold and lifeless. As he occasionally looked at his reflection, dark red, almost black lines were forming vertically on his face, in line with his amber eyes. They curved out and then in towards the centre of his forehead above each of his eyes. Strangely resembling horns. It certainly was uncommon, but could pass in the world of the living as a strange tattoo.

With the changes that were appearing on his living body, he was terrified of what was becoming of his soul's appearance. Even in his human body he could feel his reiatsu, it was growing in more ways than just it's quantity; it was growing more sinister and potent.

The process was taking weeks to finish and with the heartlessness came an instinctual behavior. He would get angry with people who got too close and this anger stemmed from some deep fear. At his friend's funerals no tears fell from his dulling eyes. He wanted to cry, to feel sad and unhappy, he wanted to feel loss, but he simply did not feel the emotions he knew he should. When he spoke at the funerals in his emotionless tone people just believed him to be traumatized and ignored the mild attempt he unconsciously gave to those spiritually aware.

Orihime could not attend school, but Ichigo was not restricted by his emotions like she was, so he was left almost entirely alone. While attending the boring classes, the exceptionally few he had to socialize with began to shy away from the emotionless being Ichigo had become. He would speak his mind without a care and his thoughts would mentally fuck with those around him. Harsh and cruel things would escape his lips and every time they did he would mentally berate himself for slipping even further away from those around him. Whenever someone was even close to touching him, he would react violently and roughly batt away said person.

After a few weeks of his violent behavior at school no one would socialize with him. Orihime had moved in with relatives who would help her deal with the tragedy that had befallen her. The only thing Ichigo got before she left was a sweet and kind note wrinkled and stained by girl's tears.

While at home his father's rather obnoxious behavior, caused Ichigo to severely hurt the man. The attack wake up calls and the surprise ambushes when Ichigo arrived home from school lead the doctor to have a fractured arm, broken nose, a few broken fingers, and some cracked ribs; as well as an incredibly bruised face. The dark and abnormally potent reaitsu Ichigo was emitting in oceanic amounts while beating his father caused his sisters to faint. Before Ichigo was even aware of the fact that he had been beating his father the man was unconscious and the police were pulling him off of his father.

In the end his father after a week of sleeping in the hospital blamed the beating on his son's recent loss and said that the boy just needed some time to accept the brutal and harsh reality. They excused his behavior with a warning and had him check in with a psychiatrist every now and then.

Everyone avoided him and he hated it. He kept traveling exceedingly far away from all those around him. His own family would not speak when he was around and whenever he went to sit down for dinner there would be a plate of food and a note on table waiting for him.

He felt alone.

His grades sky rocketed with all the free time he had to do his work and Universities were offering him scholarships two years early. It was the only distraction there was from his growing struggle and horror of a life. So he drowned himself in his school work. Hollows never showed up and even if they had he would not want to leave his body from fear of what his soul had become.

He was alone, left to brood in his school work and deal with losing physically and figuratively everything he held dear. He had to talk to someone still around and caring enough to try and help him. Someone who would know how to deal with the situation and try to aid him in his struggle. The only person that kept popping up in his mind was the very man who he believed had put him in his current quandary; Kisuke Urahara.

* * *

"So Ichigo, what can I do for you today? You know we just got in this wonderful new selection of Kidou scrolls, if your care to take up the practice." The casual man said. He was startled by Ichigo's ominous appearance, but tried to act as normal and carefree as he could. The boy had gone through a terrible tragedy and from what Kisuke had been hearing about him for the past few weeks, Ichigo was not dealing with it very well at all. So he put away his gut instinct that warned him of immense trouble and tried to help the boy.

He had meant to help Ichigo before, but figured it best that he left him alone to try and adapt to his normal life again. He had his own issues to deal with as well; Sousuke's up coming attack and the incredibly powerful hollow reaitsu that had been appearing in Karakura town over the past month with no sign of the hollow. He would take care of that and leave Ichigo to worry not about the life of spirits.

"I need your help Kisuke." He said in the same bored, robotic tone he had been using increasingly over the past couple of weeks. It somewhat startled Kisuke.

"Okay, I'm always here, what can I help you with?" Ichigo looked down fear evident in his expression and posture after Kisuke spoke.

"Something happened…while I was in soul society. I don't know what exactly, but I didn't want to tell anyone." His dead tone was bringing back to reality Kisuke's burried instinctual doubts.

The boy had always had some emotion directing his speech and for Kisuke to hear no such guidance, he knew that whatever the something was, it would be of cataclysmic proportions.

"What might this something be, Ichigo?"

"Can we go downstairs? I don't want to talk about it where someone could eavesdrop."

"There is no one here, but sure. I feel like a spar anyway, if your up for the challenge?" Kisuke said smiling. Ichigo hardly gave any sign of acknowledging Kisuke's statement.

Kisuke stood up from his place on the floor and slide open the trap door that he had been sitting on with his clogged foot. A simple step later and he was letting gravity continue his journey. Once he touched the dry earth the same over-powering, dense and ominous reaitsu he had been feeling occasionally over the past month struck him making it's existence acutely known. He turned abruptly to try and see where it was coming from. The moment Ichigo touched the ground after a slow drop the reaitsu was hidden again.

_'What? It's been him? How? The Vizard's reaitsu is not even that potent and they have mastered there demons,' _Kisuke's mental musings were stopped.

"When I was fighting Tousen in Soul Society, I had previously reached my limit with Byakuya. I was out of power; completely exhausted. The man used a kidou spell and blew a whole in my chest after only a few moments in the fight." He paused trying to think of way to phrase what he was going to say next.

"I was falling to the ground when I saw Aizen kill Chad. Rukia's body became apart of my vision after Chad had fallen. At that moment I would have given anything to have been able to save them…before my eyes closed I heard a voice in my head cackling. It said, 'Looks like the King and the horse are going to have stand as one.' The next thing I knew their was a mask covering my face and my Zanpaktou was through Tousen's heart. The mask fell away right after that and I saw Tousen reaching out to my chest. His hand went right through me, but I didn't feel it. As suddenly as it happened I looked down and in the middle of my chest was a black hole. He said to me before he died, 'Let's make this change permanent, _hollow_, for the sake of justice.'"

Kisuke began panicking. '_The transformation was flawless, there is no way his hollow would have been able to do something like that, even on the verge of death. Tousen was no fool especially when it came to justice, so that means Ichigo's a…'_

"Your the only person I felt I could trust with this. You see the markings on my face. I'm afraid of what my soul looks like. I put my dad in hospital out of anger and fear, which seem to be the only emotions I can feel. Please tell me what is happening to me," It was not in a pleading tone, Ichigo was not begging, but Kisuke could understand the distress.

"Ichigo what do you know about hallows?" Starting with the basics and try to get the bearings on the situation was Kisuke's goal. There was no way Ichigo would be a regular hollow with the amount of reaitsu he originally had and the amount he had been releasing randomly over the past month. Not even a Menos or an Adjuchas.

"I know that they are souls that have lost their heart and because of that they have to feed on others." His tone was almost creepy.

"Do you know the ranks of hollows?" Kisuke poked.

"No. What does that matter? What do hollows matter all together, I did not come here for some lesson Kisuke," A mild bit of anger showed, strangely relieving Kisuke.

"Well, It matters a great deal. I'll explain why after I inform you." Kisuke took his cane and began to draw figures on the dirt ground. "There are five types of hollow. One is the usual Hollow, just one soul cursed to a desire of feeding on others." He said drawing a simple figure with a smiley face mask and a circle around it. Ichgo scowled at the light heartedness Kisuke seemed to have.

"Two is a Menos Grande, a compilation of hundreds of smaller hollows that have been eaten by one hollow. Now a Menos with the long nosed mask is a regular Menos, but if they have a different shaped mask than they are more capable of reaching the next level." He drew a much larger figure with a pointy nose covering some of the figure's smile with another circle around it.

"Three is Adjuchas, the Menos' next level, they are much smaller hollows that take on a similar shape of their original hollow form, they are very powerful and quick, but are fairly few in number. As opposed to there being millions of regular hollows, there are only a couple thousand. A seated officer could have some trouble killing one." He then drew a figure the same size as the first, but the circle around this figure was even bigger then the apparent Menos Grande's.

"Four is an Arrancar, this level is when a Hollow obtains Shinigami powers. There are usually ten that are either on or above a captains level of power, they are referred to as the Espada. They are ranked by a number from zero to nine, zero being the strongest and nine being the weakest. They are even more of a rarity than Adjuchas and are created when an Adjuchas' mask is broken purposely," He drew an even smaller figure, but the circle around this time was the ten times the size of the Adjuchas'.

"The last and the reason that the most powerful of Shinigami are asked to guard the Royal Family are Vasto Lorde. It is said that you only need the fingers of one hand to count how many there are and that their combat capabilities are beyond that of a Captain's. They also apparently have a nearly endless amount of reiatsu and that is about as far as knowledge reaches about them. No one really knows how they come to exist, apparently they come from Adjushas, but the process of reaching that level takes so long they all just become Arrancar instead." He drew a figure the same size as the Arrancar's, but now the circle took Kisuke two minutes to draw because of it's size.

"The circle around each figure represents the reaitsu each one possesses." Kisuke said once he came back completing the circle. The Arrancar's circle represented the same amount of reaitsu for a Captian so when Ichigo compared it to the Vasto Lorde's he hoped he never came across one.

"Now you say that Tousen called you a hollow before he died and you say the you had a whole in your chest in your spirit from. It may be a bitter reality, but if what your saying is true we need to prove it. Would you mind me seeing what your Soul form looks like?"

Uncertainty and confusion flowed through Ichigo's mind as he took out Kon's pill. He was envious of the mod soul for having the freedom of no one relying on him. To not have a care in the world about anything of real importance. It angered him, so with a scowl on his face Ichigo put the pill in his mouth and swallowed. Kon fell away in Ichigo's body and stumbled to the floor.

Kisuke gasped,_ 'He doesn't even have a mask. What the hell is he?'_

Ichigo tried to reign in his reiatsu before anyone felt it and surprisingly it happened with ease. However the moment it was flowing freely had caused Kon to faint and Kisuke to lose his breath and kneel on one knee.

He was afraid to look anywhere but dead straight and the look Kisuke was giving him was beyond unnerving. Kisuke was always a care free, happy faced man and to see him with such a shocked and terrified expression marring his face was the worst reaction Ichigo could have comprehended. He was afraid of what Kisuke would do, angry that he had become what he sought to vanquish and then he felt something else.

Sadness, a feeling of utter misery and depression that was solely direct at himself washed over Ichigo. It was both a blessing and a curse; the emotion of sadness was a release and would be followed by happiness or relief, but for him there would never be the release just constant sadness.

He was angry at the potent fact that was him and he was sad that it unsettled a man with such brilliant composure. He fell to his knees and let out a yell of anguish. He smashed his fist into the ground out of frustration. The impact blew Kon sky high, Kisuke back a hundred yards and left a huge crater in the ground. He looked at the pale clawed hand that caused such devastation. "What have I become?"

He grabbed his head with his hands and curled in on himself, ignoring the length of his hair. He realized just what was to become of him, anger, misery, and fear were all emotions of negative composition. Every decision he would make from that point would come from either instinct or judgement based from his depressing emotions. The horrid life he had been living for the past month was permanent there was no solution, he was to exist by himself, devoid of any pleasant experience. It was his own personal hell and the only escape was death.

His depressing thoughts and realizations were momentarily dissolved by Kisuke's hand on his shoulder, "Come, we'll go and discuss this over some tea." Kisuke almost immediately removed his hand. _'This__ is absolutely terrifying. Touching the kid is painful, anyone with a seat higher than four would die from touching him.'_

Ichigo looked back up at Kisuke over his shoulder, his irises no longer the brilliant amber, but an almost cold white swimming in black sclera. His lips pierced in an expression of woebegone, bleached white like his once tan and warm skin, lines similar to those on his face emphasized the ominous hole in his chest. His bold orange hair was much longer flowing past his shoulders and to the middle of his back. Around the wrists and ankles of his now clawed hands and feet, and low around his neck were tufts of orange hair matching the tone of his mane perfectly. His shihakusho was in it's Bankai form and inverted matching his bleached skin. It was wider around his neck and had slimmer pant legs that were shorter allowing the strange tufts of hair freedom. Tensa Zangetsu remained the same in a black sheath as his side.

Kisuke took a mental picture of Ichigo, '_Now how this image will be remembered?'_

The boy stood up ignorant of what he just did to Kisuke and tried to focus on where Kon was with his body. As if reading the boy's mind Kisuke said, "Forget about him we need to discuss this first, if you just keep your reaitsu under control, much like you are doing now, we won't have an issue. My shop keepers are out getting supplies so don't worry about them."

The relaxed smile and charming face meant to ease, slightly unsettled Ichigo. The man was calm while he was drowning in a pool of depressing and irrational emotions gathered in the lowest pit of purgatory. He pondered what was keeping Kisuke from trying to _purify _him when it was very obvious that he was a hollow and with that question in mind he asked Kisuke his reasoning.

"You know I'm not a Shinigami anymore, so why aren't you trying to send me to Soul Society?"

"I have my reasons and the most apparent of which is that your current state intrigues my inner scientist." Kisuke gave him an over the shoulder smile as they walked back to the ladder.

Ichigo remained quiet after Kisuke's little statement which had caused him to believe he would become some experiment of the man's. He began contradicting the choice he had made when finding someone he could confront about his situation as they ascended the ladder, but sadly settled on the fact that there was no one else.

When the journey to the top of the ladder was finished Kisuke gestured for him to sit down in the little dining room while he went and prepared the tea. He sat in the room and tried to examine himself. What he deduced from his mild observations startled him. The first and most shocking of which was his white and hard skin. He could not help but think of the hollow version of himself he met while he was fighting Kenpachi. He scowled at the memory, '_That sadistic fuck must be getting a kick out of this.'_

He noticed Tensa Zangetsu strapped to his hip and gripped the hilt for reassurance. He noticed his hair was much longer. '_I must look like some dolled up chick now,' _He thought sarcastically. He noticed the tufts of hair around his wrists and ankles and tugged at them experimentally. '_Yup, there growing out of me.' _The last thing he took not of was the dark red almost black lines emphasizing the eerie hole in his chest. '_And I'm heartless.' _

Kisuke came in not long after with a pot in his hands and a couple of tea cups. He set the stuff down on the table, placing a mug in front of Ichigo and in another place Ichigo assumed he would sit. Kisuke poured the tea gently into Ichigo's cup first then his. While he was pouring the steaming liquid into his own cup Ichigo took the liberty of tasting Kisuke's efforts. Ichigo looked into the cup then back at Kisuke as he brought it to his mouth. Kisuke stopped him from drinking with his hand on Ichigo's wrist almost immediately removing it.

"What's wrong with me drinking?" Ichigo asked.

"Well, two things, one it's good manners to wait for everyone to be seated and two your probably going to need this." Kisuke replied as he pulled out a bendy straw.

"Why would I need that?" Ichigo said as he brought the cup to his mouth to counter Kisuke's plot. A sound of two dense materials hitting each other was heard throughout the room followed by the sound of one of them shattering.

"Hierro, would be why." The casual man said gesturing to the spilt tea and clay pieces in Ichigo's lap.

That was it for Ichigo, he was done with the theatrics, "WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I AM?!" Slamming his fists on the table with such force and speed the table collapsed and the floor underneath was blown down to the training area below.

Kisuke gave him a dumbfounded look, "Wow, wow okay. I wanted the setting to be as calm as possible because the news it not pleasant, but seeing-as that is not going to work." He stood up from the floor littered by the bit of debris placed by Ichigo's outburst.

"To put it simply Ichigo, your a hollow. I don't know what kind of hollow though." Ichigo gave him a look that demanded further explanation and leaked enough of his potent reaitsu to nearly suffocate the man.

Kisuke caved under the pressure and began his explanation. "When I helped you recover your Shinigami powers, I turned you into a Vizard."

"What the fuck is a Vizard?" Another wave of his reaitsu buffeted Kisuke.

"A Vizard is a Shinigami with an inner hollow. They learn to use their hollow's powers as their own and become incredibly powerful. I figured you would need the power and when you engaged Tousen your hollow got the perfect opportunity to over take you, but even at that you should have returned to normal or died. It is obviously Tousen's fault, you said he spoke of making something permanent for the sake justice as he died. He must have done something before the hole in your chest had an opportunity to close or before you yourself died."

A minute of silence was cast over the tense room before Kisuke spoke again. "You don't have a mask, but you do have the hole representing a hollow's heartlessness." Ichigo just turned around and left. He did not care what was of Kon. He did not feel anything for Kisuke but anger so he left. The man was the reason for all of his misfortune.

He had no where to go, the only person he could speak to was Kisuke and the man set his blood a boil. He walked the dark streets bumping into people confusing them because he could not be seen, angered by what he had become. He walked the down the paths in the nearby parks scaring away squirrels, alone in fearful anticipation of what the future held for him. And he walked the board walk next to the river side sad for the loss of his mother, sad for the loss of Rukia, sad for the loss of Chad, sad for the loss of Uryuu, sad for Orihime abandoning him and sad for drifting away from all of those around him. His family lived in fear of him, his classmates avoiding the violent and verbal beast he had become and the only person he could turn to was the person he blamed his current state on. He was alone.

A tear fell from his right eye, sliding effortlessly down his porcelain skin. The wind caressed his cape and hair causing them to gently sway in the week breeze. He unsheathed Zangetsu and placed the end of the blade under his chin. He felt nothing but angry, afraid and sad towards himself and time. With one last breath he thrust Zangetsu with all his might.

Nothing happened, the blade would not cut, not pierce his skin, it just slid off. '**_Did you think I would make it that easy. Your hierro is tougher then diamond King. I made sure of it. HAHAHAHAH!' _**The demon cackled in his mind. There was a hole, a hole in everything, everything in his life was missing something and now there was even a hole in himself.


End file.
